How my Low Self-Esteem Became my Secret Weapon (and How it can Become Yours)

If I’m being honest, I have struggled most of my life with thoughts and feelings of low self-esteem, inadequacy and self-doubt. Much of my life has consisted of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, thinking I’m awkward, I don’t fit in, etc. I know I’m not alone in this, and know there are others who have experienced this, regardless of how we may be outwardly perceived.

I do want to say that I’ve basically made it my life’s work to overcome these thoughts and feelings, and have grown into what I feel is a flourishing form of myself. I now have zero problems. Ha! Kidding. But I want to share the accidental way that I found empowering meaning in my struggles.

Embarking on such a daring adventure as starting my own business and putting myself completely “out there” has certainly brought me face to face with my own insecurities. I’ve had to dig into so many limiting beliefs and retrain my brain in so many ways to even be able to give myself permission to chase my own dreams. The more I moved forward, the scarier things got. I’ve woken up many a morning with thoughts of, “What am I thinking? I can’t actually do this!” or “I have no business pursuing this.” I kept moving forward, though, albeit maybe at a safe snail’s pace.

Then one day a thought dawned on me while I was driving, immersed in my own “what if” thoughts, and I discovered a little irony in all of my fears. When it comes down to it, the worst-case scenario in anything we pursue in life is a feeling. A bad feeling. For me, when I really thought about it, the answer to the question, “What’s the worst that could happen?” was, “I will look stupid. People will think I’m unqualified. People will think I’m weird. No one will like me. No one will get me. This will be too revealing and awkward.” It’s funny to see these thoughts in writing. But here’s the thing. If the worst that can happen is that I’m going to “look stupid” or “weird,” umm…I HAVE LIVED MOST OF MY LIFE already thinking these things!! I’m afraid of being perceived as awkward? Hello! Please see my social resume! I’ve already got that in the bag! (I certainly do now, after putting this in black & white). 😊 “So-and-so” will think I’m nuts? Pretty sure he/she already does! #crickets is a sound I am familiar with, people. What I’m saying is that I have a long history of discomfort. (Discomfort that I’ve created myself, FYI.) And I’m still standing! I’m comfortable with discomfort! In a way, I feel it’s a blessing that I’ve already had plenty of practice living in an uncomfortable state.

For those of you who also have a dream but are letting these same fears stop you, I want to drop this on you: the worst-case scenario is not failure, whatever that may mean to you. The worst-case scenario is never getting to see what is possible!! If a plan doesn’t work out, can’t we all just go back to the existence we had? The same mental space we were already occupying? I want to challenge your doubts and suggest that there’s nowhere to go but UP! Don’t rob yourself of the gift of following your heart and getting to see the magic you’re capable of.

“Don’t rob yourself of the gift of following your heart and getting to see the magic you’re capable of.”

If you think you’re awkward, great! It means you’ve got some self-awareness. It’s a gift if you use it. Get to the bottom of those negative beliefs. (That’s my jam-I want to help you!)

Now a little disclaimer here: I don’t want anyone to misinterpret my words as me saying you should go and live in a space of low self-esteem and try to master the art of discomfort. Absolutely not! In fact, I can help you vacate that state. All I’m saying is that if you have experienced this in life, then you already know that it is completely survivable! In my opinion, that gives you a little edge. Own it, sister/bro!

Ultimately, how people perceive you is not about you anyway. So, come join me in the land of uncertainty and endless possibility. Cash in on all that time you’ve spent feeling “less than” (and then let it go)! And if my particular trials and triumphs help just one other person, it’s so worth it!! And also, if me being truly me helps no one and in fact crowns me the most unrelatable, bizarre human on the planet, you had me at #missingthememoentirely. Bring. It. On.

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